who is my CEO?

I was really surprised. But I do not think this was because I was sick.

I attended a golf focus group for women in Orange County. Most of the players were high powered women who were at beginner levels of golf. There were 3 Goldman Sachs financiers, one of whom had left to be a partner at a smaller firm. Many others were also in finance, some were successful entrepreneurs, and a couple of others were CEOs. These were all very powerful women, talking golf lessons, and there was me. Me, the oddball novice still in college struggling with bad grades and and self-esteem issues. Should I feel lucky to be there?

So you and I are going to think-Isn't this what I was hoping for all my life, Miss wanna-be power CEO? To rub shoulders with these people and be one of them, and play golf too? How sweet!

I felt no elation, not to say I didn't enjoy my time with them. There were no jubilant moments of "YES" in my head, no compelling urge to schmooze aggressively with them. I did talk to some at different points. But was prevented from doing so by throat, which made it hard to talk.

If jealously points toward what i ought to be doing, I certainly felt none of that. So much for being Miss wanna-be CEO ever since I could remember.